iceberg lettuce

It’s lettuce for Trump voters.
when i was a little boy,
i hated vegetables,
but i discovered
i could eat salad
made from iceberg lettuce
that i drowned
in thousand island dressing.

i was a very proper little shit,
and my parents only ever took me
to four-star restaurants,
so i could wear
my proper little dinner jacket
and my proper little tie,
and i learned that menus
were only suggestions at forty dollars a plate,
and i could order whatever i really wanted.

like a proper little shit,
i always ordered
"a heart of iceberg lettuce salad
with thousand island dressing,"
like i was the prince of Spain
in Chicago for a caprice.

iceberg lettuce
is whiter and less flavorful
than other green vegetables,
and it's the perfect food
for Trump voters.

they can eat it,
and pretend it's as healthy 
as canned spinach,
and it matches 
the blank, waterlogged interiors
of their hearts and minds.

there is hope,
i don't order iceberg lettuce salads anymore,
fences can be mended,
and Trump's appeal won't last forever.

i imagine there will be shame
and a smattering of apologies
as they learn the taste of crow,
and the fires of hell 
will reject many of his true believers 
who will, no doubt,
come back as fascist zombies.

i've been told 
that hope is a coward's weapon,
and that might be true,
but i wasn't planning on killing anyone
with hope or kindness.

comedy is my weapon,
and i can make you laugh
until you lose your breath
and shit in your britches.

i recommend iceberg lettuce,
it's more hydrating 
than other green vegetables,
so diarrhea is less likely to be a problem.

– Rosliw Tor Raekül, 202010262339 (C.S.T.)

Published by Rosliw Tor Raekül

Happily married vegan, Leftist editor/reader/writer, practicing Buddhism 24yrs. My laugh’s famously infectious. I’ll review anything, books, bourbon, music, &c.

5 thoughts on “iceberg lettuce

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